The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
