So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
