The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Houston, we have a squirter
you had me at cake vodka
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
