This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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