BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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