I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
