Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
