i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
