I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How's work?
Spinning.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
