I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
