He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize