As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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