if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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