i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
