Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
