just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
