I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
