another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
