who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
