Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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