dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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