Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
