Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
