Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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