I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
