Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
