Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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