Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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