I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
