none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
