Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
