the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
