You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
