Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
