i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Are we still banned from the library?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
