so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
