i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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