Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
