first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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