You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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