i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I touched a dick in church today
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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