she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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