I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
