Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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