if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like death gave me a hand job
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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