we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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