I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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