I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
