i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
