That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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