i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is my gift to your gina
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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