ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
