I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
