Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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