It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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