I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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