He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
