there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm bleeding and have questions
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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