I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
