overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
