I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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