yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
