The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize