He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
