day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
