Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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