I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
