i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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