Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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