I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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