census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
