awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
